I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
