Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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