if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
