The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
