i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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