My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
