I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize