So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
