I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
