At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
