Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
