I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
