Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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