just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she pinky promised me she was 18
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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