I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
