when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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