Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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