Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
