At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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