how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
