I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
