i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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