she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
