nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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