....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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