You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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