Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
