anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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