What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
