we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
