Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
