it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
