Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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