I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
