well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
