So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
