I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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