how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
