I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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