grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
