I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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