Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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