If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
