That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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