He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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