somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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