I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
