You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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