Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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