Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
