I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
is it fun? or sober?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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