this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
