I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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