Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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