What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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