I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize