We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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