i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize