I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
