It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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