We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
