Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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