What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
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Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You pole danced in your parka.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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