Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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