we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
