I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
