I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
