i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
