If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
