And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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