Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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