He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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