I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
