it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
