Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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