I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
