I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
