apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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