Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize