She is in my trunk
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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