If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
