and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
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